This world…

…is not built for me

as a neurodivergent brown woman. 

Oldest daughter of immigrant parents. Simultaneously the eldest and one of the youngest in a sprawling family.

Intelligent but different.

I am a cycle breaker. 

The usual

standard

typical        

normal

will not work for me-

I have to find my own way. Carve my own path. It is difficult and lonely work. I will upset those I long to appease. 

But

What I will come to realise is that my authenticity is valued by the outside world. This is difficult to accept because all my childhood I was given the message that my authentic self was wrong. It did not fit the mould; conformity was more important than authenticity.

My power lies in my ability to reject. My power lies in my fight for my autonomy. 

But 

I also want to belong. This is my core contradiction. Which is why I find myself belonging with people who also don't belong. 

Belong WITH, not belong TO.

It is my job to create a community out of a bunch of people who like me, value their autonomy. Together we can find exactly what we need within each other-

and that's beautiful.